She’s a Glorious Mess.

I love that quote suggesting we have the right to be a masterpiece and a continuous work in progress simultaneously. What a relief, chasing that worn out image of perfection is exhausting and after years of pursuit, I’ve found is nonexistent anyway.

Why are we always putting so much pressure on ourselves and each other? Who is supposed to win this race anyway? I decided to tap out a few miles back, my life went from fun, carefree gypsy chasing dreams to proving a point, no matter what, until I collapse.

Somewhere along the way I decided I didn’t want social status, ego driven claims to measure my worth, or a seat in the theater of outward achievement. I did a 180 and opted for sanity and peace.

The irony is, I’m more successful now than I’ve ever been, but I had to give up a lot along the way and there were moments of horror when I started dumping the baggage.

Scouting unmarked territory is really scary and sometimes it’s still tempting to run and hide behind the safety net of who I’ve been and avoid trying to become something more all together. I can’t do that though, I wish it was that easy, but I couldn’t ever face myself if I gave up on living my most authentic life and just settled for where I’m at because I’m afraid of the what ifs that are waiting around the bend.

I don’t think there was ever a pivotal breakthrough where I had it figured out because I’m definitely still learning on a daily basis, but there came a point where I started doing a ritual of examining and polishing the tools needed to survive and grow. I wanted to hold on to outward approval, but that had to go, too unpredictable and compromised my need for self reliance. I hoped to find a mate along the way that would help tote the cargo of my insecurities and self doubts, but nope, I had to just gather myself up and leave that all behind and believe in myself instead.

After many seasons of trial and error, I’ve learned to keep learning and not let my tools for self care and discipline get rusty, but if I do, just give ’em a good polish and get back to work. We don’t have to pressure ourselves into greatness and images of perfect composure and we certainly shouldn’t be competing with each other just to make matters worse either.

I still have my days where keeping my shit together is the one and only priority on the list, but then I have my flow, the magic of wisdom gained from years of life experience and the simple enjoyment of building an empire that is beneficial to myself and those around me.

In all our glory, let’s enjoy the life we’ve been blessed to live and encourage each other to do the same, it’s just so much better that way.

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